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Illogical Logic?

PayPerPost seems to be down today, so that means no money to be made today. Sob. Anyway, that will not stop me from entertaining my readers with some strange happenings that I happened to chance upon over the weekend. Sometimes I wonder what is happening to the human brain as we 'evolve' into the future of mankind. Read on and you will understand what I mean. If anybody disagrees with the below statements please feel free to leave a comment on your views...

Illogical Logic Fact #21 : Pressing the lift button repeatedly increases the speed which the lift will arrive at your floor.

I believe most of you have seen / experienced this scenario. You're patiently waiting for the lift to arrive at your floor when you see an impatient uncle in brown bermudas start to repeatly press the lift button in hopes of some wonderous miricle that would make the lift acknowledge his frustration and arrive quicker at his floor.

The Whole Truth : The only thing that will quicken is his heartrate due to the 'strenious activity' that he is engaging in. At the same time, he is also unwittingly causing a hiderance to the public because he is actually helping that poor button to become broken earlier.

Illogical Logic Fact #73 : Walking through the female lingerie section always happens to be the longer route to your destination.

For the ladies, they will definitely stop and look. For the men, they always deem the female lingerie section to be the longer route, hence they will always opt to walk through the opposite side of the escalator / lift if they have a choice.

The Whole Truth : This is fact, it is definitely true for the ladies because taking a walk through the female lingerie section is like Abul [Alladdin's monkey] trying to go through the Cave of Secrets without looking or touching anything that glitters. It's almost humanely impossible. [Trust me, I know.]

But for the guys, it seems like a hidden 11th commandment that "Thou shall not enter the female lingerie section unless the world is coming to an end, in which case thou shall briskly sprint through it with thy head bent, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible." Come on guys. What's so difficult about walking through the female lingerie section? The gals skip past our underwear section without a sweat right? It's not as if you are some perverted old man with a hairy mole on his chin camping outside the fitting room in hopes of a beautiful model hopping out in her lingerie to ask "Does this make me look fat?" And neither do the ladies walk about topless while trying on different bras. [In which case I doubt any guy would NOT want to walk past this section] So what is the problem? Just make sure you don't go around trying on the bras yourself and you'll be fine.

Illogical Fact #8 : It's fun to get views of upskirts and cleavage on escalators / glass fortified barricades of upper stories

I really don't get this one. Some perverted uncles really free people can spend the entire day camping at a shopping centre bench or escalator that might give him a chance of getting a view of some hot chick's upskirt or cleavage. So what if you catch a glimpse of the gold? That's all you get. Unless you catch someone going commando.

The Whole Truth : What are upskirts and cleavage views in today's world? With Internet porn so easily accessable, who needs to risk life and limb just to get a gimplse of something u could easily download a million times over via our trusty Internet. [Note : I'm not encouraging Internet porn surfing here] The thrill of the chase maybe? Yeah and even more exciting is the pain of the cane when u get caught. This is another classic case of working smart over working hard.

Illogical Fact #97 : People in need are the last to ask, people who are not, the first.

Here's another example, I was pleasantly seated on the one of the two corner seats of the MRT while making my way to Jurong East to meet pipi. As the number of commuters increased, the lady seated next to me noticed a weak-looking old man trying hard to maintain his balance on the rocky train. Being a nice Singaporean, she immediately offered her seat to that old man without the man even needing to open his mouth. And as he sat down next to me, although I was listening to my MP3 player, I could hear his wife, a not so old [not to mention fat] auntie complaining to him "See, this young girl willing to give up the seat to people. Some people just have no courtesy." Obviously she was referring to me.

The Whole Truth : Hello? Have you noticed the signage on the MRT? Please give up the seat to people who need it more than you. And they even put 3 pictures of a hunched oldman holding a walking stick, a pregnent woman carrying a baby, and a wheelchair bound person. Auntie, you neither look like a hunched oldman, a pregnent lady [although you could have fooled some people with your fats] nor a handicapped person. And you obviously don't need the seat more than me because your center of gravity should be much lower than mine due to all that mass. And to add to that, you're obviously getting off earlier than me. So why should I give up my seat to you? In fact, you should be glad I made you keep standing so you could at least burn more fats while your at it. Granted the frail old guy desperately looked like he needed that seat, but it's just that I didn't spot him before my neighbour or else I would have done the exact same thing. So the next time you want to ask for charity, just shut your trap and people will naturally give if you are really in need.

So anyway i ignored her and continued to enjoy my music and guess how many stops later she got off? 5 mother feaking stations later. Our trains take an average of 2.5 mins to reach the next station [well, for the east side at least] so that's a whooping total of 12.5 mins, which is even lesser than the time I had my butt on that seat. If you can shop aimlessly for 3 to 4 hours, I don't see why you can't stand for 12.5 minutes. The nerve of some people...

Anyhow written on Apr 23, 2007 at 1:05 PM

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