AnyHow Blogs
anyhowblogs title

(Dis)Order In Court

Here's something from an email I received recently which managed to tickle my funny bone. Seriously, if these people can become lawyers, I think I can be the next President of the USA...



These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

_______________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

_______________________________________________


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid!

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.. m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

________________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh.... are you qualified to ask that question?

________________________________________________


--- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law...

________________________________________________



Now somebody tell me why am I studying IT again??


Anyhow written on Oct 20, 2009 at 3:50 AM

0 bored people said something about this

Post a Comment



Tweet Logo



MusicPlaylist
Music Playlist at MixPod.com




The Adverts






Talk To Me






My Wants
  • iPhone 3GS
  • My 6-pac
  • SIM admission /
    Straight As
  • Stylo Levi's Jeans
  • NEW Stylo Levi's Jeans
  • 170cm
  • Dyed Hair
  • Funky Nike Shoes
  • Spiderweb Surf Shorts




Exits
Buds

Alex
Azfar
Azri
Fauzi
Fitri
Geoffrey
Ian
Timothy
Yao Kun
Zheng Da
& Babes

Andrina
Candy
Cheryl Small
Emily
Florence
Hui Wen
Jamie
Jasmine
Julie
Kanny
Kimberly
Lee Peng
Li Ting
Ling Yu
Po
Sabrina
Serena
Serene
Shi Qi
Xin Zi
Yvonne





Other Reads




My Creations



My Creations



The Past








Counters And Stuff


My blog is worth $1,129.08.
How much is your blog worth?






Satureday Comeback Challenge Round 26 Winner




Anyhow's Peace Globe 2006




Anyhow's Peace Globe 2007




Anyhow's Peace Globe 2008




Anyhow's Peace Globe 2009