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Lost Is A Kind of Feeling

Recently I've been feeling very lost. I don't know why but I just can't seem to piece together the usual fun-loving, hyperactive me that most people know.


I can't keep awake through entire lectures even though I slept almost 10 hours the previous night. Given that most of the class is agreeing with the lecturer in their dreams too, but that doesn't mean I should be sleeping too right?


I feel that I don't match up to the expectations of the dance team, and that I'm letting them down. I have always dreamed of being a part of a dance team, but now that I'm in one, I just can't seem to reach that bar. The only thing that I can do now is try harder and hope for the best.


I don't get the same kicks as I used to while playing games. In fact, everytime I turn my laptop on, I feel an emptiness in my gamings. I don't feel the urge to train my levels on MMORPG games, and I even feel bored while beating people silly in dota. The only other feeling I get is frustration when people are beating me silly back.


Maybe it's because of the lack of friends. The games that meant the world to me now feel so empty without the usual people whom I used to see ever so regularly whenever I log into the game. Now gaming has purely become an activity to kill time instead of an addition. [I don't know if it's good or bad, but it sure doesn't feel nice]


I know I'm supposed to start on my assignments soon now but I just can;t find the mental strength to pump in my full effort and attention into getting started. And everybody knows I don't do things half-heartedly.


Someone please help me find the old me that everybody loves because for now, I can't even recognise the man in the mirror. Find me a purpose, return me my motivation, rekindle my fire. Somebody, anybody...


Anyhow written on Oct 21, 2008 at 11:53 PM

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