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First Case of H1N1 in Singapore Confirmed

My reliable sources have confirmed that a 22 year old Singaporean has been the first Singaporean in Singapore to be diagnosed with the H1N1 virus. Read here for more details:

From my always reliable sources



So what do we do now? Number 1, we can all run and cower in fear, lock ourselves at home, refusing to go out even to buy daily necessities or even meals, living on various flavours of instant noodles for the months ahead. Or, if you're like me, you cash in on this brilliant opportunity.


1. Shopping centres, movie cinemas and similarly people-packed places will become ghost-towns as most of the kiasu Singaporeans will probably do exactly what I stated above. Hence this will be the perfect time to take a leisurely stroll down Orchard Road to find that piece of clothing that you've been looking for, without having to worry about shoulder-packed crowds or irritating aunties snatching that last piece from the rack just as your hand is about to reach for it.


2. Always wanted to have that famous chicken rice at Chatterbox but always too lazy to make a booking 2 days in advance? Well, now's the time to stroll in on a weekend afternoon lunch hour and calmly choose a comfy table from all those empty tables presented to you. Give it another few more months and shops will start getting desperate by slashing prices and giving crazy offers and promotions just to get the crowds coming back again. And thats the time to strike hard and fast.


3. Be an entrepreneur. Cash in on this epidemic by creating makeshift surgical masks or thermometers and sell them for $10 a piece. The gullible silly-poreans will queue up like the hello kitty craze just to get anything that is currently sold out. And believe me, masks and thermometers are as sold out as sold out can be. Another option would be to steal all available tamiflu tablets you can find from all clinics in Singapore and start a black market. Anyone wants to be a millionaire?


Oh and if anyone on the public transport ever pisses you off, all you have to do is to point at him/her and scream "Stop coughing on me!" to instantly get death stares directed at your assailant.


Anyhow written on May 27, 2009 at 5:01 PM

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