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Our Favourite Supervillian

Now that the news is out on how everybody's favourite supervillian, Mas Selamat, managed to escape the detention centre with ease, it's time for the blamestorming session. No, it's not a typo, blamestorming is the act of group of people involved trying to find logical excuses to push the blame of a certain situation onto somebody else's shoulders.

The main problem that lead to his escape was that ungrilled ventilation window above the cubicle he was in, as well as that aptly placed ledge in the toilet which allowed him to access the window easily.

However, the incident that shocked me the most was that the guards actually didn't have the balls to take immediate action when they sensed something was wrong. The incident was escalated 4 times upwards before somebody actually came in and kicked the door open only to discover that he had made the perfect getaway. Boy do I feel sorry for that guard who was standing outside the cubicle. Seeing how Singapore is such a blamestorming country, somebody will definitely have to take most of the rap for it, and that somebody would most probably be him.

This also shows the critical responsiveness of our country's military. The gurka who re-enacted how he escaped from the centre only took 49 seconds from closing the cubicle door to landing both feet outside the detention centre, let alone the 11 minutes where Mas Selamat could have taken a shit, jacked himself off and even finish a ciggerette at a leisurely pace and still have enough time to get himself out of the detention centre.

And this is not the first time that our hero has escaped our short arm of the law. Before this incident, he also pulled a fast one on his detainers and we even had to bow our heads down in disgrace as we had to have him handed back to us on a plater by foriegn law enforcers. We would be the laughing stock of the world if history would have to repeat itself. How is it possible that we cannot find one individual within the concrete jungle of a small red dot called Singapore while Thai officials can sift him out of their densely forested country that is more than 10 times the size of ours?

This inefficiency in response time also holds true for our entire military system. Anything and everything always has to be escalated at least 1 level up before a concrete decision can be made. This is because of Singaporean's favourite email functions, 'CC' and 'BCC' attitudes, better known as 'Cover Ca-Ching' [cover backside] and 'Better Cover Ca-Ching' [better cover backside]. Because of our overprotected society, very few people actually have the balls to take responsibility for any actions that might land them into a pile of shit.

Imagine having an attacker charging towards a Singapore soldier weilding a kitchen knife. By the offical rules of engagement, he cannot open fire with his gun because the attacker is not armed with a firearm or lethally dangerous weapon. And even if he did want to open fire, he would first have to shout "STOP! STOP! STOP OR I'LL SHOOT!", before firing a warning shot into the air first, and then finally having to aim for a non-lethal spot on the attacker's body and firing a single bullet to disable the attack, which by that time the soldier would probably have a million and one stab wounds on his torso and face.

And I believe many Singaporean soldiers won't even have the balls to stand their ground and fend off the attacker, let alone having the guts to put a bullet through his head. Put me in that situation and I'll gladly put an end to that loser's life without raising an eyebrow, which would probably lead me to having to write a 1000 word report on the incident and why I didn't follow protocols etc etc. Heck, take that back, I think I would rather use my rifle as a baseball bat and knock the living daylights out of him.

Anyhow written on Apr 22, 2008 at 3:40 PM

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