 Anyhow written on Nov 6, 2009 at 2:40 PM
5 bored people said something about this Here's something from an email I received recently which managed to tickle my funny bone. Seriously, if these people can become lawyers, I think I can be the next President of the USA... These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. _______________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. _______________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid! ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.. m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him. ________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh.... are you qualified to ask that question? ________________________________________________ --- And the best for last: --- ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law... ________________________________________________ Now somebody tell me why am I studying IT again?? Anyhow written on Oct 20, 2009 at 3:50 AM
0 bored people said something about this Time now is 1.50PM. I've been stoning around in school for about 1 hour and 20 minutes so far. And yet I still have another 2 hours or so to kill before heading over to the dance studio to help out with the junior classes. Current Status: Dying of boredom, And the worst part is that this entire cycle will repeat itself for at least another 8 weeks or so. 8.30am morning lectures suck. Getting up in time for morning lectures suck even more. Even with such an entertaining lecturer as my Maths lecturer, I still managed to almost fall asleep during the lecture. Someone save me from the endless 4 hour breaks and sleepy lectures that are stillt o come in the following months. ============= Current Status: I think I'm going blind My eyes are failing on me. Everything is getting blurry even at close distances and these eyes of mine get tired and fatigued so easily. I was diagnosed with mild astigmatism about half a year back but I think it ain't 'mild' anymore. I feel as though I'm turning into a vampire with a ghastly fear of sunlight. My trusty sunglasses have become a must when stepping out of home in the mornings or afternoons. I wanna go for lasik to cure my eyes of these irritating symptoms but I don't have the money to do so. Any kind souls out there willing to sponsor me a lasik surgery? I promise I'll be a good boy after that. ============= Current Status: I really really really really need to change my phone. It is proven. Having the same phone for more than 2 years is not a good idea. Firstly, you kinda get bored of the phone and seeing all your other friends switch to touchscreen phones with cool games and applications doesn't help this cause one bit. Secondly, due to this fact, phones these days are designed with the notion that it will not be used for more than 2 years. And hence the battery and hardware kinda have a lifespan of 2 years too. Take my phone for example. Leaving the house with a fully overnight charged phone, a friend calls me on the MRT. Yadah yadah yadah, we go on for almost 15 minutes and suddenly what do I hear? 'Duu nuu noooooo' a.k.a. the low battery alert for nokia phones. Looking at the screen confirms my worse fears on discovering that the battery life bar has only 1 bar left. In fear of spending the rest of my day without a usable phone, I quickly end the call. Then as if by magic, half an hour later, I whip out my phone again to see that apparently ny jeans pockets have some sort of static current running through them as the battery indicator has suddenly gone up to 3 bars. I've made up my mind, I'm going to get an iPhone 3GS. Even though it's gonna cost me a bomb. I really  Anyhow written on Oct 7, 2009 at 1:47 PM
0 bored people said something about this  Anyhow written on Oct 1, 2009 at 1:37 AM
0 bored people said something about this  A treat for my eyes. first time trying Face Shop's famous Raspberry Roots Collagen eye patches to eradicate my panda-like eye bags. Like Tim said, "you can feel it being absorbed when you put it on". Yeah, it was something like that, but maybe I wasn't paying too much attention to the absorption process cos I was too busy gaming. Let's just wait and see if it really does wonders for the eyes. P.S. Please ignore the bloodshot eyes. Been awake since 6.30AM today for morning lecture. Anyhow written on Sep 29, 2009 at 12:57 AM
0 bored people said something about this No, not my blog, but me. Age is catching up with me. And it's showing. I used to always have a healthy lead over age in the race of life but recently it seems that either I'm getting fatter and slower, or age suddenly kicked in the NOZ and is gaining on me. Fast. So yesterday I decided enough was enough. Made a trip down to Bugis and bought a couple of facial products from Watson's and Face Shop. Got a bottle of Simple moisturising facial wash from Watson's and a few packets of Face Shop's famous eye bag terminators, Raspberry Roots Collagen Eye Patch, which came with a free after-wash facial mask. All in all, the total damages set me back around almost $100. But $100 is a small price to pay for beauty right? Also, I bought a new pair of Nike shoes online for the 2nd time yesterday. It's such a beautiful design that I'm not going to tell you guys how it looks like until I receive the package in around 2 weeks time. I was actually looking for another design but I feel in love with this shoe the moment I saw it. Well, technically pipi was the one who saw it first and showed it to me saying that it suits me, but it was still love at first sight. Can't wait for my package to arrive. Counting down the days everyday. It's so cool and unique that I'm pretty darn sure that the boring Singapore shops will never bring it in from the States. And the best part is that all in all the shoes plus shipping only cost me a total of almost SG$140 dollars! A small price to pay for something way too cool. Now all I have to do is to to get through another 13 nights of restless waiting and day-dreaming of my new shoes. Breathe Colin, Breathe... Anyhow written on Sep 27, 2009 at 11:21 PM
0 bored people said something about this Student Week Performance- Day 1 *If you can't hear the music, click on the youtube logo and watch it in youtube* After months of training it was finally time to step up to the stage once again. Good job DWZ! We did good! Anyhow written on Sep 26, 2009 at 2:45 AM
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